Over the last few days I've been thinking a lot about how selfish I am. I can't even describe all the ways, the little seemingly insignificant ways that my selfishness is put on display. The more I think about it, selfishness really sucks. I don't mean that it sucks when other people are selfish and it ends up meaning that I get the short end of the stick. I mean it sucks to be selfish, because even getting everything I want, when and how I want it, doesn't make me truly happy. I just end up pushing the envelope a little farther and wanting more.
I've realized that selfishness is really the opposite of love. Love says, "I can't stand for you not to be happy." Love says, "I will gladly go out of my way, to the ends of the earth, to make sure you have what you need and most of what you want." Love says, "No matter what--no matter how you treat me, no matter what I get out of it, no matter what it costs me--no matter what, I'll always be there for you." Selfishness says, "Won't you do _____ to make me happy?" Selfishness says, "Why won't you go out of your way for me?" Selfishness says, "I love you, but..."
I am coming to realize that selfishness messes up God's plans, because his plans are executed out of love... love of God, love of neighbor, and on some level love of self. I have learned first hand that one of the most freeing things in life is letting go of my desire to get something... being freed from the bondage of selfishness. I can't count the number of times I have worried and fretted about something situation without seeing any change, only to have things work out perfectly once I stopped worrying and just put the situation to God's hands. I've read a quote several times that says something like, "True happiness is not getting what you want, but being satisfied with what you have." I have experienced it time and again, but I can't seem to really get it through my head that I am a lot better off when I let God take care of me instead of trying to take care of myself. And so my selfishness persists.
No matter how I look at it, no matter what area of life I think of, it seems like it takes unselfish people to fulfill God's plans and purposes for our lives. If I really want what God has for me, I have to get over myself long enough to let God give it to me. If I want to live out the Great Commission and reach people for Christ, I have to be willing to give up my time and my comfort to build relationships and talk with people. I have to be willing to give up "my church" with the songs I like and the messages that feed me and be willing to unselfishly realize that maybe somebody else needs what they need more than I need what I need. If I want to be a good husband, I have to quit asking what my wife has done for me and ask myself why I haven't done more for her. Being selfish sucks. I don't want to be selfish, but it is as natural as breathing. So my selfishness persists.
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